im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
