I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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