you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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