Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize