i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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