You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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