I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize