i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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