just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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