it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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