go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
