She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
