John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
