I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
