I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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