So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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