worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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