Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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