I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
