Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
