i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We need to get me chipped asap
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
