I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize