his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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