My hand turned me down
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
