i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
