Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
