He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You can't just leave with hair like that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
