So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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