Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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