Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
