Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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