If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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