He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
