i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
