And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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