I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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