went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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