the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
