my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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