why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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