We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
