i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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