He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
