Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
