Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
