I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
