omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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