Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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