I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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