So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
