We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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