How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
not ubering you a puppy
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