All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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