How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I believe in your delicious
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
