i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
