How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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