So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
