how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
