He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
