What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
