And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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